There is a common misconception that if you advocate for the importance of being home with your children, you must be against women having careers. That couldn’t be further from the truth. 🕊️
Six years ago, my husband and I paid off our mortgage. We were financially prepared to live on a single income indefinitely. When I chose to return to my career, it wasn’t because of a paycheck—it was because of a profound shift in my "internal seasons."
The "Crushing" Request
I remember when my youngest started a part-time Montessori program at age three. He was struggling, and my immediate instinct was to pull him out. "I'm a full-time mom," I told my husband. "He doesn't need to be there." Deep down, I was crying because my baby was struggling, but I was also clinging to the feeling of being needed. Then, the "circle of life" moment happened. My son came home and asked: "Mommy, can I stay at school longer?" 🥺
He wanted to go full-time. In an instant, I felt lost. My role was shifting. While I knew I should be proud of his independence, it forced me to realize that my children were beginning the healthy process of detaching. I realized then that I needed something that was just mine. I needed to feel like a professional again—not like a "door mat" whose only purpose was to waiting on everyone else's needs while my own identity sat on the shelf. 📖✨ .
Proving the "Worst Fear" Wrong
Many high-achieving women hesitate to take a career break because of one paralyzing fear: If I step away, I’ll have to start over at entry-level. 📉
I am living proof that this isn't true. During my break, I loosely worked on a book, but I didn't feel comfortable publishing it until I had tested my own theory. When I decided to return:
- I entered the exact field I wanted. 💼
- I secured a higher salary than when I left. 📈
- My career trajectory didn't just resume; it accelerated. 🚀
Taking a break didn't make me less valuable; it made me more intentional.
Modeling the "Both/And" Philosophy
I want to model a specific truth for my son and daughter: You don’t have to choose one identity forever. Life exists in seasons. 🌱
I wish my own mother had pursued her career so she wouldn't have carried the weight of "unfulfilled dreams" or "imaginary sacrifices" that she later projected onto us. By returning to work, I am showing my children that:
- Women should pursue high education and demanding careers.
- It is okay to prioritize family for a season without losing yourself.
- Nothing is permanent. ✨
Letting Go of the "Doer" Guilt
As high achievers, we are "doers." We want to do it all, and we want to do it perfectly. When I went back, I felt immense guilt. I felt guilty for "inconveniencing" my husband with school drop-offs and guilty for hiring help for domestic chores.
However, my husband pointed out something I couldn't see: I am emotionally healthier when I am working especially when the kids are in school. 🥂 I crave the structure, the mission, and the camaraderie of a team. I love my profession, and that fulfillment makes me a better mother, not a distracted one.
Final Thoughts
Whether you feel called to the home but are struggling with the shift, or you feel you are your best self in a high-pressure boardroom, the goal is the same: Show up as your best self so your children feel loved. ❤️
It is okay to accept that something has to give. You don't have to burn yourself out to prove you're a "superwoman." You just have to be honest about which season you are in. 🌿