Kim Patten | Updates

"Mommy, Can I Stay Longer?" — How My Son Gave Me Permission to Go Back to Work 🤍

Kim Patten — Wed, 22 Apr 2026 00:00:00 +0000

There is a common misconception that if you advocate for the importance of being home with your children, you must be against women having careers. That couldn’t be further from the truth. 🕊️

Six years ago, my husband and I paid off our mortgage. We were financially prepared to live on a single income indefinitely. When I chose to return to my career, it wasn’t because of a paycheck—it was because of a profound shift in my "internal seasons."

The "Crushing" Request

I remember when my youngest started a part-time Montessori program at age three. He was struggling, and my immediate instinct was to pull him out. "I'm a full-time mom," I told my husband. "He doesn't need to be there." Deep down, I was crying because my baby was struggling, but I was also clinging to the feeling of being needed. Then, the "circle of life" moment happened. My son came home and asked: "Mommy, can I stay at school longer?" 🥺

He wanted to go full-time. In an instant, I felt lost. My role was shifting. While I knew I should be proud of his independence, it forced me to realize that my children were beginning the healthy process of detaching. I realized then that I needed something that was just mine. I needed to feel like a professional again—not like a "door mat" whose only purpose was to waiting on everyone else's needs while my own identity sat on the shelf. 📖✨ .

Proving the "Worst Fear" Wrong

Many high-achieving women hesitate to take a career break because of one paralyzing fear: If I step away, I’ll have to start over at entry-level. 📉

I am living proof that this isn't true. During my break, I loosely worked on a book, but I didn't feel comfortable publishing it until I had tested my own theory. When I decided to return:

I entered the exact field I wanted. 💼
I secured a higher salary than when I left. 📈
My career trajectory didn't just resume; it accelerated. 🚀

Taking a break didn't make me less valuable; it made me more intentional.

Modeling the "Both/And" Philosophy

I want to model a specific truth for my son and daughter: You don’t have to choose one identity forever. Life exists in seasons. 🌱

I wish my own mother had pursued her career so she wouldn't have carried the weight of "unfulfilled dreams" or "imaginary sacrifices" that she later projected onto us. By returning to work, I am showing my children that:

Women should pursue high education and demanding careers.
It is okay to prioritize family for a season without losing yourself.
Nothing is permanent. ✨

Letting Go of the "Doer" Guilt

As high achievers, we are "doers." We want to do it all, and we want to do it perfectly. When I went back, I felt immense guilt. I felt guilty for "inconveniencing" my husband with school drop-offs and guilty for hiring help for domestic chores.

However, my husband pointed out something I couldn't see: I am emotionally healthier when I am working especially when the kids are in school. 🥂 I crave the structure, the mission, and the camaraderie of a team. I love my profession, and that fulfillment makes me a better mother, not a distracted one.

Final Thoughts

Whether you feel called to the home but are struggling with the shift, or you feel you are your best self in a high-pressure boardroom, the goal is the same: Show up as your best self so your children feel loved. ❤️

It is okay to accept that something has to give. You don't have to burn yourself out to prove you're a "superwoman." You just have to be honest about which season you are in. 🌿

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When "Mom" Becomes Your Only Title: Navigating the Motherhood Identity Crisis 🤷‍♀️

Kim Patten — Tue, 8 Jul 2025 00:00:00 +0000

I always heard women talk about an identity crisis after having kids, but I honestly didn't think it would happen to me. My identity felt so tied to my career and education, especially growing up in a family and society that really valued achievement. I thought my driven, ambitious self was immune. 💼🎓

But after becoming a mom, everything shifted. 🔄 What truly surprised me? I was actually willing to walk away from my job to be with my children. 🤯 This was a massive U-turn from my own upbringing. You see, my own mom always told me she wished she'd never had kids, that she'd rather have been a career woman. So, I was never prepared for this deep desire to choose something so different. ❤️‍🩹

When I finally figured out what caused this huge shift in me, it came down to this: my purpose, my priorities, my values—they had completely changed. And they just didn't align with the life I had before. 🧭

The Unexpected Loss in Finding Fulfillment 😥

At first, stepping away from work felt so exciting and fulfilling. The joy of being present with my children was immense. ✨ But once the kids were in bed... I felt lost. 😔 That quiet time, after the demands of the day, brought a silent question: Who was I without my job title? 🤔

The truth is, I'm still that same ambitious, driven woman. But now, I also love the slow mornings ☕, the playdates 🤸‍♀️, the laughter 😂, and truly seeing my children. As a mom, I get to be incredibly caring and nurturing, and I find so much ambition in raising these amazing humans and so much drive in creating a loving home for them. 🏡💖

This version of me smells the roses 🌸 and nurtures little hearts. And yet, I'm still a planner (just for playdates instead of board meetings!), a leader (guiding tiny humans instead of corporate teams!), and a builder (creating a family foundation instead of a business!). None of that has disappeared. 💪

Identity Beyond the Title ✨

What I've discovered is this: my true identity isn't found in a title. It's rooted in my values, my character—who I am when no one's watching. And that will stay with me in every season of life. Honestly, I love raising my children. It's the happiest, most tiring, and most fulfilling season of my life. I've found my value and purpose-driven life, not just an achievement-based one. 🥰

Motherhood didn't erase me. It refined me. And even when my children are grown, this deeper version of me will keep evolving—stronger, softer, still me, with or without a title. 🌱

Can you relate to this feeling of an identity shift after becoming a mom? Please share your thoughts with me.

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From Power Suits to Play-Doh: 5 HUGE (and Kinda Shocking) Truths I Wish I Knew Before Becoming a SAHM! 💼➡️🧸

Kim Patten — Fri, 9 May 2025 00:00:00 +0000

Alright, so picture this: I was SO pumped 🤩 to hang out with my kiddos 24/7. But WOW, saying "bye-bye" to my job? Way tougher than I thought! I cried heartbroken after I submitted my resignation letter 😭💔. It was like breaking up with something you truly L-O-V-E, especially when you're passionate about your work. Even though I knew this new SAHM season was the right move for my family, I still had a little pity party for the career path I was pausing. Bittersweet, for sure! 🤷‍♀️ (This whole experience actually led me to write a lot about the journey – if you're wondering about the bigger picture and whether stepping away from a dream career was worth it, I get really honest about that in my post, "I Walked Away From My Dream Career to Be a SAHM. Was It Worth It? (My Honest Discovery)." https://thepivotmom.com/blog/i-walked-away-from-my-dream-career-to-be-a-sahm-was-it-worth-it-my You might find it resonates!)

Let's be real, change is kinda spooky 👻 and can make you second-guess EVERYTHING. Those first few weeks (okay, maybe longer 🫣), I kept wondering, "Did I make the right decision?!" It's like when someone quits a habit they know isn't great for them – they still miss it sometimes, right? So, if you're a new stay-at-home mom feeling like a bit of a hot mess 🔥 or questioning your choices, you're SO not alone. Totally normal! High-five! 🙏

People always say being a stay-at-home mom is one of the hardest jobs. Well, they weren't kidding! 🤯 I didn't truly get it until I was in the thick of it. You're exhausted by the end of the day. It's the kind of physical drain where every limb aches for rest, and you just feel thoroughly depleted😴, yet it feels like nothing actually got done. Because, let's face it, there's a never-ending tsunami of toys 🧸, mountains of laundry 🧺, and a sink that magically refills itself with dishes 🍽️. But even though the days are packed with giggles and sweet moments 🥰, it's surprisingly easy to lose a little bit of yourself when you're a full-time caregiver to tiny humans.

Then there were those moments out in the wild... aka, social gatherings! 😬 Chatting with working moms sometimes made me feel like I needed a script 📜 to explain my new "voluntary career break." Even though I was super clear on my why, that little voice of "FOMO" on career stuff would whisper in my ear. карьера (That's Russian for career - just keeping it real about the random thoughts that pop up! 😉)

And get this: no performance reviews! 😱 How do you even know if you're doing a good job?! My hubby is awesome and super appreciative 🥰, but I definitely missed those pats on the back and "great job!" shout-outs from work. But guess what? I learned to measure my success in a new currency: my kids' hugs 🤗 and sticky kisses 😘. Realizing I was making a HUGE difference – like planting a tiny seed 🌱 that grows into a giant tree 🌳 – gave me such a massive sense of purpose. That feeling, that self-validation, actually stuck with me even when I eventually went back to my professional work. Pretty cool, huh? ✨

Looking back, this whole journey from a career I loved to embracing my new role as a SAHM (and eventually figuring out how to blend it all) involved so many emotional twists and turns. If you're on a similar path, or just thinking about it, perhaps these key discoveries will resonate with you too:

The Unexpected Grief of Career Loss Even when you're excited about more time with your kids, the act of leaving a job you love can be tougher than expected. For me, it brought a surprising depth of sorrow and felt like a bittersweet farewell to a significant part of my identity, even knowing the SAHM path was right for my family.
The Normalcy of Early Doubts & Second-Guessing It's completely normal to question your decision and feel unsettled during the initial transition to being a SAHM. If you're feeling like a bit of a hot mess or wondering if you made the right call, please know this period of adjustment is common, and you're certainly not alone in those feelings.
The Invisible Labor & Identity Erosion of SAHM Life The saying that being a SAHM is one of the hardest jobs is no exaggeration. It’s a unique kind of exhaustion – both physical and mental. Amidst the endless cycle of caregiving, toys, laundry, and dishes, it's surprisingly easy to feel like you're losing parts of your individual self.
Navigating Social Perceptions & Career FOMO Explaining your new role as a SAHM in social settings can be challenging. Even when you're confident in your "why," feelings of "Fear Of Missing Out" on your previous career can still surface, especially when chatting with those still in the workforce.
Discovering New Metrics for Success & Lasting Purpose Without traditional performance reviews, learning to measure success differently becomes key. I found profound purpose and self-validation in new ways—like the impact on my children and the difference I was making in their lives. This shift in perspective can bring a lasting sense of fulfillment that even carries forward if you return to professional work.

(P.S. If these stories and a-ha moments resonate with you, and you're looking for more insights and a deeper dive into navigating the beautiful chaos and profound discoveries of motherhood and career shifts, you might be interested in my book, Pivot. It’s filled with practical exercises, financial advice, and emotional support to help you make these transitions with confidence and clarity. You can grab a copy at Amazon. https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0F1DP2XYX )

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I Walked Away From My Dream Career to Be a SAHM. Was It Worth It? (My Honest Discovery)

Kim Patten — Wed, 7 May 2025 00:00:00 +0000

"I built the career I always wanted—then I made a profound pivot and walked away from it to raise my babies." 👣👶

That sentence still sometimes takes my own breath away. Hi, I'm Kim. 👋 For years, my identity and my definition of success were deeply intertwined with my project management career at a prestigious S&P 500 company. I was ambitious, driven, and had meticulously crafted the professional life I thought I’d always craved. 💼✨

Some women instinctively know they want to be stay-at-home mothers once they have children. That wasn't my story. 🤷‍♀️ In fact, I was raised by a stay-at-home mom who often expressed her unhappiness, telling us that having kids could feel like a mistake 😔 and that a career was a more fulfilling choice. 🚀 Society, too, often glorifies a singular version of success: the "woman who has it all"—which usually translates to an image of someone excelling professionally, often at the expense of time with their children. For a long time, that was the success I thought I was chasing. 🛤️

As an international student in the U.S., I poured everything into my education 🎓, earning a bachelor's degree from a sought-after business school and then an MBA. I climbed the corporate ladder, landing my dream job. It wasn't without its sacrifices and tears 😢. Furthermore, having gone through a divorce prior to marrying my husband (with whom I now share our two children) had deeply impressed upon me the vital importance of financial independence and career stability. This past experience would later contribute significantly to the internal difficulty I faced when considering stepping away from the very career I had worked so hard to build. My ultimate goal was clear: a career that not only afforded quality childcare but also made the trade-off of working feel financially and personally worthwhile according to my then-definition of success. 💰🎯

Then, I became a mom. And something shifted within me, something profound and unexpected, signaling the start of a major life change. 💖 I found myself yearning to be with my babies far more than I had ever anticipated. 🥰 Suddenly, I felt adrift. Looking in the mirror, the woman staring back felt like a stranger. 🤔 Who was I now? As a natural planner, I was bewildered by this internal sea change that was challenging my entire notion of success and identity; I didn’t know how I’d arrived at this emotional crossroads. The identity crisis was intense and very real. 🌪️

We had a wonderful nanny when I worked from home during the first couple of years of COVID. But then, my job began requiring travel again. The thought of leaving my children, even for a single night, felt unbearable. 💔 It might sound dramatic, but my heart ached, truly tearing apart at the prospect. This was the catalyst for a new direction I hadn't foreseen but could no longer ignore.

The decision to leave my job wasn't made lightly. It was a deliberate pivot, a conscious choice. Even more significant was the realization that I didn't just want a different job; I wanted to be with my children full-time, a path that required me to completely redefine success for myself. I vividly remember the burning desire in my heart 🔥 as I prayed, seeking guidance from God. 🙏 In that moment of quiet reflection, I knew this new direction was the path I needed and wanted to take—for myself and for my family. 👨‍👩‍👧‍👦

Of course, anxieties surfaced. 😟 Would I ever be able to return to my career after this career shift? It was a scary prospect, as I’d never taken a professional pause in my life. Yet, a deeper sense of faith settled in, a trust that God would guide me when the time was right. ✨

Looking back, I can honestly say I have zero regrets about making that decision. ✅ In fact, I know I would have deeply regretted not embracing that turning point. Those two years as a full-time mom were some of the most enriching and joyful years of my life, a testament to a newly redefined success found not in promotions or titles, but in presence and connection. 😊 There was so much learning. I read more books 📚 than I had since my school days. I started journaling ✍️, a practice that became a lifeline and a source of discovery.

During this time, many other moms confided in me, sharing that they wished they had the courage to change course in their own lives but feared straying from the conventional path to success. Their stories, coupled with my own transformative experience, planted a seed: 🌱 I wanted to write the book I wished I had when I was navigating that transition and learning to redefine success for myself.

Now, having returned to my career, I feel I’ve come full circle. 🔄 I'm living proof that a career change or break doesn't diminish you; it can actually make you stronger 💪, more focused, and bring unexpected gifts. My definition of success now encompasses this resilience, adaptability, and the joy of aligning my life with my deepest values. 🎁 It was the space and creativity nurtured by being fully present with my children that allowed me to write my book. 📖

This journey has been one of unexpected turns, deep reflections, immense growth, and a powerful pivot that led me to redefine success on my own terms. I hope by sharing it, you might find some resonance or encouragement to navigate your own life changes and define success for yourself. 🌟 My book is a deeper dive into this experience, and I truly hope you'll find it and read it. ➡️ https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0F1DP2XYX

What about you? Have you faced a similar crossroads or needed to make a significant shift and redefine success in your life? 🤔 I’d love to hear your story! 💬

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